Sunday, July 31, 2011

Post IX


June 14th – 22nd Addendum
I didn’t do a whole lot of writing during this period because I was working my ass off.  My week went like this.  On the 16th I began working at the treatment center/group home, it was a Thursday.  I found out I would be working Thursday through Monday, with Tuesday and Wednesday off.  I was super glad that they started me working that soon; I also found out that my first check would be for 6 days and I’d be paid on the 1st of July—everything was right on time.

I also was working at the temp job holding the sign outside.  I couldn’t quit just yet; one I needed the money and two, I felt loyal to them—even though the money sucked, they were the 1st to employ me, and give me steady funds.  I was also going to the school here and there helping out, and getting the school ready for next year.

So I would wake up at 5:30 and go to the school, work there until it was either 10am or early afternoon (depending on the day) and go to a job, work it, get off, and come back to the shelter.  The shelter was good, because I had a wake up call, the only bad thing was on most days, I didn’t get in until around 1, or 1:15am, and then get up at 5:30. 

But it was cool; I was workin’, and had money to pay bills.  (Did I mention that I had to pay to stay at the shelter??)  Yea, it was called a “working man’s shelter”, so I was paying $56 a week to stay there.  Now some will say that I was butt-ball crazy to be staying at a shelter and paying to stay there, however there is not a hotel that I know of in the city of Denver or Aurora that I could live at for $56 a week—with meals included.  That is the double standard when it comes to how society still views gender issues.  I am not sure if women have to pay (probably not) to stay at a shelter, but for men, we have to pay.  As a man it is still expected that you are a man, and you fend for yourself, the state will help, but it is really up to you to make it happen.  With women, because of children (I guess) they are given more breaks when it comes to “pulling yourself up with your bootstraps”.  Now I’m not trying to gender bash, but in a so-called equal society, a shelter should be free for all, or all should have to pay.  But I guess Obama and the g-o-v’-t  still have to work on that one.

So I was busting tail, getting a check on Fridays from the temp job, (finally got my 1st two checks on June 17th).  I had been broke, but somehow I made it.  I wasn’t really keeping up with my journal, because I was learning the system with the new job, meeting the kids, working with them, and trying to rest when I could.  The next journal entry listed is the 22nd of June, and it’s short, but from there the journey hits a snag, then a needle and thread is presented to me, so here’s the entry from the 22nd. 


6/22/2011 @ 7:49am

Woke up today feeling very uneasy.  Had a dream last night that really scared me.  It was Vonne (my ex-girl-friend from Atlanta) frying pork chops in the kitchen at the old house (in Omaha, NE).  And my mother was there, she looked good, was moving good, and I think was in good spirits.  Sammi, Vonne’s daughter wanted to come in through the basement garage, but the garage was broken and I could see over the top, like it was jammed down at the bottom.  I told her to go around to the side door.  Then the water man came out, I greeted him at the driveway and had a pleasant conversation, even though the water was supposed to be cut off.  I went back into the kitchen through the side door, and Vonne was gone, and the kitchen was cleaned like no one had been there.  The dream woke me up shortly before 5:30….I was craving a cigarette.  This was a weird dream, and it has kind of put me on edge for the day.  I ask the Most High for much guidance today, as I am not feeling too good about the beginning of the day.

Addendum Cont.

I didn’t know what this dream meant at the time, however, I have theories now, that it’s all passed, and will come back to my theories.  However, the day went cool, the week went fine, and I hadn’t even talked to Vonne—the whole dream was just weird.  It scared me because I hadn’t dreamed of my mother since she passed, and seeing her like well, and walking around was like a good thing, but bad, because she was real sick before she passed.  Also dreaming about the house I’d lost just tore me to pieces.  Even now, roughly a month after it, it’s hard to write about it.  I remember that dream vividly, and I recognize the power of dreams, and I remember the power of that particular one.  It just hit me hard—I think one of the hardest things was that I had it at the shelter, and I damn near fell off the top bunk.

But that was the writing for that small time period.  The next part of the journey will be picked up a few days later, and that’s where the journey gets real interesting.  So stay tuned, the next posting will be dated from the 29th, but we’ll visit the 25th-the 29th, because a lot happens to me in those 4 days….

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